You Have To Suffer Much In This Life For Your Truth To Come Out!

Shirdi Sai Avatara in Shirdi Temple Sanctum Sanctorum at Karakura

Below is related a story that shares some of the complexities of Amma's early life. In particular you will read of how Baba appeared before Amma so as to awaken Her to Her own Truth. Hidden within this encounter is the subtle revelation of Amma's unity not only with Putaparthi Sai , but also Shirdi Sai.

This is Who You Are!

Not to be limited in any way by the mortal frame, and in His attempt to awaken Her, Sai Baba continued to shower Lalitha with displays of Their connection. A primary event in Lalitha’s process of awakening happened when She was eighteen years of age. Lalitha's eldest brother, Gopalakrishna Rao, was a tender-hearted and compassionate man. He had interest in spiritual matters, but his mental health acted as an obstacle to his progress in this pursuit. At one point in Lalitha’s childhood years, Her parents had gone to Puttaparthi and told Sai Baba about their son’s ailment. They asked Him for some vibhutti for Gopalakrishna’s healing. Sai Baba told them, “I am not giving prasadam (vibhutti) to you. I will send the prasadam directly to Vishakapatnam (the town where Lalitha’s brother lived). Now you can go. I will take care of your son at Vishakapatnam.” A few days after this reassurance, Yamuna Bai received a telegram from Vishakapatnam which gave them news of Gopalakrishna’s deterioration. The telegram requested that someone travel immediately to Vishakapatnam to care for him. This request was vitally important at this stage, for Gopalakrishna’s wife was nine months pregnant. Lalitha’s parents were too old to make the trip, so they asked Lalitha to go in their place. At the insistence of Her parents, Lalitha set off for Vishakapatnam.

That Her visit to Vishakapatnam was Divinely choreographed becomes abundantly clear as we reveal the next series of events. On the way to Her brother’s home, Lalitha stopped in Madras and purchased a beautiful idol of Lord Krishna. When She finally reached the town, She was picked up at the station by Her sister-in-law and taken to their very large rented home. Gopalkrishna and his wife lived on the first floor and the Telegu-speaking owners lived on the ground floor. There were no other houses nearby, which suited young Lalitha, for She was not inclined to associate with other people or speak to them, preferring silence and prayer. Gopal’s health had improved enough upon Lalitha’s arrival that he had decided to set off on business to a nearby town. Since he was still recovering, his wife insisted on accompanying him. So, the day after Lalitha’s arrival, the couple picked up and left for their journey. This left Lalitha behind in the home with the company of only one other – the cook. Lalitha’s brother had only recently brought this cook from Bombay, so she was new to the household as well.

After the early departure of Lalitha’s family, nothing of importance transpired until the evening. The cook kept to herself doing the housework while Lalitha brought out the idol of Lord Krishna which She had purchased in Madras. She placed it in what She calls “God’s room.” She wove a garland of flowers and adorned the idol of Sri Krishna. With some milk beside Her as an offering to the Lord, She began to sing Bhagavan’s bhajans. Lalitha called to the cook, asking if she would like to join in with the devotional songs. The cook came and sat down close beside Lalitha, listening intently to Her bhajans. After a period of time, the cook suddenly caught hold of Lalitha’s hand and spoke to Her in Hindi: “Can you see Me, who I am? Haven’t You realized who I am?” she asked.

“You are the cook,” Lalitha replied in Hindi.

On hearing this, the woman stared at Lalitha and said, “No I am not the cook! I am something more!”

Lalitha’s heart started beating fast. She became anxious and wary at the cook’s unnatural answer and behaviour and She stopped the bhajans. The cook was a stranger and yet she was acting in a way very odd for someone unfamiliar, let alone someone new to the household and in her family’s employ. Lalitha was also acutely aware that the landlord who lived downstairs only spoke Telugu, and should She need their help in the event of danger She would not be able to get it for She did not speak the language. Lalitha, rising to the occasion, then questioned the cook in Hindi: “If so, then who are you?”

“I am Sathya Sai Baba. I am the One at Puttaparthi!” the woman replied.

These words greatly angered Lalitha, who then retorted by chastising the cook. “Do not play this drama with Me!”

“This is not a drama. I have come here in this form in order to awaken You. It was I who made Your sister-in-law accompany Your brother today. Everything has a definite reason.”

The cook then proceeded to quote words from both Shirdi and Sathya Sai Baba. She related many incidents from Sai Baba’s life and spoke of happenings in the lives of His close devotees. She said that she had manifested as an Avatar in Puttaparthi and she continued, saying, “It will not be possible for Me to come like this in future, because the purpose of My Avatar is the upliftment of the world. You will observe all this in the days to come. Hence, to awaken You, I have had to come in this form.”

Lalitha did not believe a word of what the cook said. She was feeling very miserable that She was alone with this woman and felt trapped in an unwanted situation. She was also very angry with Sai Baba, whom She blamed for landing Her in this very challenging situation. She thus informed the cook: “Have I not told you already, I do not believe in all this?”

“As I have previously mentioned, You will see for Yourself in the days to come that this is the Truth! The Truth! The Truth!” The cook reiterated her point three times and went on to narrate the legendary story relating to the birth of Lord Subramaniam. She said that Lord Shiva and Parvathi had to take physical forms in order to give birth to Lord Subramaniam, thus paving the way for the slaying of Tarakasura. As the cook was narrating all this, Lalitha became more and more impatient. She could not fathom why this woman sat before Her and spoke of irrelevancies.

Again the cook questioned Her: “Shall I tell You where and how You stand for darshan at Puttaparthi?”

Lalitha remained silent, allowing her to continue. The cook then told Her of the exact place where She waited for Baba’s darshan and enacted the precise way in which She stood, with folded hands, waiting for His darshan. Then, laughing, she continued, “In those moments, I would look at You like this - is it not?” Again she acted out her words. When the cook correctly demonstrated all this, Lalitha’s hostility lessened to some extent, but She was not at all ready to believe that the cook was Sai Baba. Lalitha then said, “All that is okay! But Swami has said He will not appear through any other person or assume a different form. Now, how can I believe you?”

“Yes, I have made such statements. But there are always exceptions to everything. I could have come to Your Bangalore home itself. But it would not have been possible for Us to talk at length there. For this reason, it was I who made You travel all the way here. And it is I who has sent Your brother and his wife on a tour.”

No ordinary woman could have spoken with such authority, nor could she have related various facts and incidents so accurately, yet this woman had done so. Lalitha could agree to the facts which the woman correctly stated, but on no account was She able to accept her as Sai Baba, mainly because of her physical appearance. Lalitha threw a pointed question at the cook: “Okay! Let us agree to all that you have said. But why have you not come in your own form as Sathya Sai?”

“True, I could have come like that! I know who You are and I have come to alert You, but it is hard for both of Us. But You do not possess the bodily strength to endure My presence in My own form. If I had come like that, You would have given up Your body and merged in Me. That is why I have assumed this form and come here! I want You to continue in this form for many years. That apart, in future Your Divine Leelas have to be played in this world. I have endeavoured to awaken You many times. But You have still not awakened. I cannot view You as I view the beings of this world. How can it be that You still do not believe Me? I have the capacity to take You to Prasanthi Nilayam in one second, at this very moment, and bring You back here again, just as I have come here from there. At least then You will believe Me, won’t You?”

One Principle - Two Forms Shirdi and Amma

The forcefulness of her words left Lalitha speechless and She remained silently seated without giving an answer. The cook continued talking about devotees and what would come to pass in the future. The cook then sat silently for some time. Finally, she got up, increased the speed of the fan, went into the kitchen, and brought Lalitha a cup of Horlicks. Then she went to the opposite side of the big room and sat on the window sill, facing Lalitha. She sat gazing at Lalitha for awhile, and then suddenly posed a question: “Where does Swami reside in You?”

Lalitha stared at her without replying. Smiling, the woman picked up a sharp pencil which was lying nearby and threw it at Lalitha. The pencil struck Lalitha on the chest. Startled, She exclaimed, “Ah!”

Laughing, the woman told Her: “Right there! That Lotus Heart which You identified by saying ‘Ah!’, that’s where God resides in You. If You are afraid, go to the landlord’s house downstairs and tell them. I have no objection.”

This statement weakened Lalitha so much that she was unable to get up from Her chair and out of this unforeseen situation. Soon after, the woman got up. She took the garland from the Krishna idol and put it around Lalitha’s neck. Lalitha was not pleased but She was not in a position to say anything. The cook brought forward the milk, which Lalitha had offered to Sri Krishna, and gave it to Her to drink. Lalitha was frightened and drained of all energy, so She accepted the milk and drank some of it. Then She just sat there holding the glass.

The cook took the glass from Lalitha’s hand and said, “Daily You drink the milk offered to Me as Prasad. Today I shall drink the milk which You have had.” She proceeded to drink the remaining milk from the glass. Thereafter, she removed a pendant of Shirdi Baba from her neck and gave it to Lalitha. Lalitha had had enough of this strange exchange with the cook and desperately wished that Her brother and sister-in-law would return home. It was quite late and She felt it was high time they came home. As Lalitha was pondering on this, the cook again spoke: “Believe Me, I have come just to awaken You!”

Hearing this repeated again, Lalitha snapped back in anger: “Why should I? I have told you I will not believe all this.”

This sharp retort produced an unnatural severity in the cook, while at the same time, for just a moment or two, tears flowed from her eyes. Thereafter, She held Lalitha’s hands in a tight grip and said, “However much I repeat the Truth, You keep rejecting it. But remember, in the future You will shed so many tears that only You will know its count!”

The tone of authority in the cook’s speech caused a profound silence to spread over Lalitha’s heart. When She remained silent the woman spoke again. “Even though You have found this incident rather bitter today, You will come to realize its benefit in the future.” Lalitha’s accusation of falsehood brought a severe retort from the cook; one which has been echoed throughout Amma’s lifetime. She said, “I will see that Your Truth will spread in such a difficult way.”

Through these words, Sai Baba was revealing His knowledge of what was transpiring with the curse and endeavouring to awaken Lalitha such that She might take a more active role earlier in the mission. To do this would require that She lift Her veil. It is all indicative of the Divine Play. But the dialogue between Lalitha and the cook continued as Lalitha, again, repudiated her.

Again the cook continued, “You have to suffer much in this life for Your Truth to come out.” This prophetic statement opened the window to Lalitha’s later understanding of the issues which surrounded Her presence in this Kali Yuga and the earlier Divine acts which had been the reason for Her struggles.

As Lalitha stood in confusion, the cook said, “Physically, in the form of Sri Sathya Sai Baba, I will come to You. Physically, once, in Your place. In front of humanity as witness. I will prove who I am and who You are.” This single comment predicted the time we are now approaching, when the Daksha Yagna shall be completed. Lalitha was unable to say anything more to the cook and so remained quiet. Slowly, She sank into a drowsy stupor and awakened in the early hours of dawn. The cook was also asleep, with her arm tucked under her heart. She awakened as Lalitha did.

Sitting up to speak, the cook said, “The devotees are waiting for My darshan. I have to go to Prasanthi Nilayam.” On hearing these words, Lalitha was enveloped by grief. The cook continued, “Go and open the door. It is quite some time now since Your brother and his wife have returned home. I have seen to it that the door bell did not ring!”

Lalitha hastened to open the door, finding Her brother and his wife dozing on the doorstep. Later that morning, Gopalkrishna reprimanded the cook for not having opened the door when he rang the bell innumerable times. The cook replied that she had not heard the doorbell at all. Lalitha was greatly surprised by this answer. She told Her brother about events of the previous evening.

Gopalkrishna was equally puzzled by the strange story and questioned the cook about it. The cook denied any knowledge of what Lalitha said. Thereafter, she did her routine work in the kitchen as though she was totally unaware of the events that had transpired. Gopalkrishna and Lalitha wanted to know the truth of the strange incident. They decided that the only way to find out the truth was to go to Puttaparthi with the cook and ask Sai Baba to settle the issue. They told the cook about this plan. Within an hour or so, she was nowhere to be seen. No one knew what had happened to her or where she had gone. They never saw her again. After spending another week with Her brother, Lalitha returned to Bangalore.

Upon Her return home, Lalitha’s mind was discontented and unsettled. The incident at Vishakapatnarn and Her uncertainty about the truth of the event troubled Her greatly. More than anything, the thought which gnawed at Her was: “How could all this have happened to Her when Bhagavan was always with Her?” This mental turmoil, which turned eventually into deep frustration towards Sai Baba, would be appeased at a latter date, as She came to realise the authenticity of Her extraordinary interaction with “the cook.”

Shirdi Baba Idol after Abishekam in Sanctum Sanctorum Karekura